Title:  Family Portrait Author: Serenity Wintirs Status: Complete Genre: Songfic, angst Rating: R Disclaimer: I don’t own Yugioh, blah, blah, blah.     Shizuka buried her face in her arms and wiped harshly at the tears on her cheeks. She listened to the the yelling coming from the other room as she closed her eyes and pretended that she was somewhere else… somewhere that she felt loved. <Momma please stop cryin, I can't stand the sound Your pain is painful and its tearin' me down I hear glasses breakin as I sit up in my bed I told god you didn't mean those nasty things you said>     Shizuka remembered when her parents took her and her older brother Katsuya to the beach for a picnic on her seventh birthday. They had spent the whole day laughing and she had even beat Katsuya at something for once (a food fight, but hey). When it started to get dark, they had sat and watched the sun disappear as the sky turned a fiery red. Shizuka had never seen anything so beautiful. She had told her father that and he whispered back in her ear that nothing could ever be as beautiful as his baby girl. She had been so happy then. Of course, that was when her family was still a family. <You fight about money, bout me and my brother And this I come home to, this is my shelter It ain't easy growin up in World War III Never knowin what love could be, you'll see I don't want love to destroy me like it has done my family <Can we work it out? Can we be a family? I promise I'll be better, Mommy I'll do anything Can we work it out? Can we be a family? I promise I'll be better, Daddy please don't leave>     It all started a couple of years after that. Shizuka had came home from school and walked in on them arguing about the mortgage. Her mother accused her father of wasting the money and not being a good father or husband. They yelled for a couple of hours before Shizuka’s father said that he was going to go to the bar, and her mother yelled for him to go ahead and do it. After her father left, her mother broke down into tears and stayed up the rest of the night drinking vodka. It hurt Shizuka so much to see her parents hurting each other like they were. She felt that it was her fault. That they didn’t love her enough to be happy. When her father came home around four that morning, he had smelled like perfume and Shizuka’s mother started hitting him and calling him bad names. Shizuka picked up a knife and ran to her room. Once she was inside, she took the knife and stared at it for a very long time. Shizuka could still hear her parents fighting and she jumped in fear when she heard a loud banging noise, like something had been knocked over. Then she heard a door slam and her mother start crying again. <Daddy please stop yellin, I can't stand the sound Make mama stop cryin, cuz I need you around My mama she loves you, no matter what she says its true I know that she hurts you, but remember I love you, too I ran away today, ran from the noise, ran away Don't wanna go back to that place, but don't have no choice, no way It ain't easy growin up in World War III Never knowin what love could be, well I've seen I don't want love to destroy me like it did my family>     Shizuka delicately held the blade between her hands as she sobbed painfully. “Please make it stop,” she prayed outloud. She knew that no one would hear her because she was unloved. She didn’t deserve to live. She had destroyed her family and not even god could love her now. Shizuka pulled her sleeve up and ran her fingers gently over the delicate flesh on her inner wrist. She didn’t want to hurt herself, but she felt like she deserved to be punished for hurting her parents so much. Shizuka took the knife and pushed down harshly against her skin. She bit back a cry of pain when the blade sliced open her skin. Tears streamed down her face, but she only pushed harder, needing the pain to kill the thing that was embedded deep in her soul. The more that she cut and the harder that she pushed, the more the pain inside went away. Until, finally she couldn’t feel anything at all. Shizuka pulled the knife away and stared at her arm in shock. She felt so ashamed for not being strong enough to bear the pain on her on. She watched crimson drops roll slowly down her arm and she felt sick for what she had just done. What kind of person could ever love her? The hideous marks on her arm made her feel just as ugly on the outside as she already did on the inside. <Can we work it out? Can we be a family? I promise I'll be better, Mommy I'll do anything Can we work it out? Can we be a family? I promise I'll be better, Daddy please don't leave In our family portrait, we look pretty happy Let's play pretend, let's act like it comes naturally I don't wanna have to split the holidays I don't want two addresses I don't want a step-brother anyways And I don't want my mom to have to change her last name In our family portrait we look pretty happy We look pretty normal, let's go back to that In our family portrait we look pretty happy Let's play pretend, act like it goes naturally>     Later that week, Shizuka’s father came back and announced that he was moving out and that he wanted a divorce. Her mother begged him to reconsider but he said that he couldn’t take it anymore and he had to get out. After that, Shizuka’s mother started drinking all of the time. Katsuya got tired of it and moved out finally too. He had asked their mother if Shizuka could come with him but she said no. Shizuka could still remember the last thing that he had said to her before he drove away; “I am sorry Shizuka. I don’t wan to leave but I just can’t stay here anymore.” He had been really sad to have to leave her but she knew that he was hurting about everything just as much as she was. Once, Shizuka had asked her mother to stop drinking but her mom had slapped her and called her a bitch. That was when Shizuka had decided to cut again. After that, she found that she couldn’t stop doing it. Everytime that she was hurting, she would pick up a blade. <In our family portrait we look pretty happy (Can we work it out? Can we be a family?) We look pretty normal, let's go back to that (I promise I'll be better, Mommy I'll do anything) In our family portrait we look pretty happy (Can we work it out? Can we be a family?) Let's play pretend act and like it comes so naturally (I promise I'll be better, Daddy please don't leave) >     Shizuka’s father had came back a few times after that to check up on her, but he never stayed very long. Shizuka wanted to tell him about her mother’s drinking, but then she would have to tell him everything and she couldn’t bear for him to look at her with the same disgust that she felt every time that she looked at her arms. Shizuka felt so alone and she didn’t know what to do, so she just avoided her mother as much as possible and continued to cut. Shizuka came to realize that everytime that she did it, the cuts would get deeper, and she was afraid that if she didn’t stop soon, she would go to far one day. Shizuka knew that she had to tell somebody, so she decided to go to her boyfriend Seto’s house one day after school. Shizuka told him everything and even showed him her scars. She was surprised when he looked at her, not with disgust, but with understanding and compassion. Seto took her in his arms and comforted her. After that, Shizuka knew that there were people who would love her even if her parents weren’t together anymore, and even if she wasn’t perfect. The next day, Shizuka went to the counselor’s office as soon as she arrived at school. <In our family portrait we look pretty happy (Can we work it out? Can we be a family?) We look pretty normal, let's go back to that (I promise I'll be better, Daddy please don't leave) Daddy don't leave Daddy don't leave Daddy don't leave Turn around please Remember that the night you left you took my shining star? Daddy don't leave Daddy don't leave Daddy don't leave Don't leave us here alone Mom will be nicer I'll be so much better, I'll tell my brother Oh, I won't spill the milk at dinner I'll be so much better, I'll do everything right I'll be your little girl forever I'll go to sleep at night>